There was a second standard child who
came to me for counseling for academic issues. While talking the child revealed
to me that, “My father does not say anything once he is home. He does not ask
me ‘How am I?’ or ‘How was my day’. Instead he just switches on the TV and
watches TV once he is home. I really don’t like this. I want that he should
talk to me. “
This is what many children might be
facing. As parents we get so busy in our daily routine and mobile phone, TV
that we don’t remove time to communicate with our child.
Many a times the child needs to be
proved by you in order that they can share what is happen in their inner world,
what they are thinking and feeling. This will not only help them to express their emotions but also improve your bonding and relation
with him.
The effective communication happen when
each party involved hears and understands the perspective of other person.
Adults do most of the talking and children do not know when to share their perspective.
To start the real communication with the
children these are the tips what the adult has to follow.
1)
Create
a safe environment
When you sense that the child need
to talk give your full attention. Face them, have a eye contact and kneel down
if needed to have same level eye contact. Make the child feel that you are
really interested in talking to them.
2)
Switch
off all devices
While communicating with your child
TV, Mobile phone, computer needs to be switched off. Set a rule that after
dinner or one hour before bed time no mobile phone or TV usage will be allowed.
Show that through your verbal and non verbal language that the child’s
conversation is important and this will improve the self esteem of the child.
3)
Pick
up on emotions and question him
When you see a particular emotion
in words or body language, attend that feeling. This makes them feel that you
are aware about their feeling. You might say, “You are angry as I didn’t allow
you to go out in the party.” This allows the child to clarify how they feel and
prompt more conversation.
4)
Just
listen with no correction
Listen to them fully when the child
is expressing themselves. Resist correcting them even when you know they are
wrong. This acknowledges the child’s feeling and gets them to talk. When you hear them they will cooperate more
rather than just correcting them.
5)
Scolding
the child does not work instead focus on the behavior
Shaming the child diminishes their worth. The
child playing with paper ball in the restaurant can be explained in about his
inappropriate behavior rather than getting angry at him. When you shame the child he feels defective. With encouraging and supportive instructions the child can
correct his behavior.
6)
Let them think about solutions
When child disagrees on a
particular decision, ask him what other option is available and what he wants
to change. If the solution what he comes up is reasonable let them try it. When we
encourage our children to become part of the solution, they often have greater
motivation for resolving it.
7)
Show
interest
Talk to them about their school,
their friends this will show them that you are interested in their world and
keep the conversation open. Show interest in their hobby. Be a part of their
daily activities and routine.
8)
Reframe
the sentence what the child has said
This will help to avoid
misunderstandings. As misunderstandings is a hindrance in effective
communication. If you are not sure what a child
means by something, take a few moments to ask and continue to practice this
step until you have a clear idea of what is being said.
9)
Establish the boundaries
Children
need boundaries to feel safe and secure. Setting boundaries gives children the
freedom to make their own decisions without constantly needing to consult
others.
When communicating with
children is that even though they are young, they are individuals who deserve
your respect, care and attention. You will, play a key role in the
adult that they will become.
Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth
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